by Wanza Leftwich
http://www.thegospelwriter.blogspot.com

I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. I thought once I married all would be well. But that didn’t last long. Just about two days to be exact. We had our first argument waiting for the plane to go on our honeymoon. Marital bliss? What is that? Does it even exist?

By the time we hit the five year mark, we were well into the woes of marriage: rent, bills, childcare and a sex life that was not something to talk about at the high school reunion. It was a marriage, but what kind of marriage was it I kept asking myself. Was it supposed to like that? Was I supposed to cry myself to sleep at night?

Could this be all that God intended for the marriage I thought was mine? Didn’t God tell me to marry this man? Who was he anyway?

He’s certainly not the man I thought I married. The man I dated brought flowers, perfume and cards for every occasion or non occasion. It didn’t matter the day, he always gave me kisses and hugs. Or was that my imagination? Did I miss something? Was I kissing myself? Did I ask him to bring the perfume and flowers because it was Valentine’s Day? Did I date myself for two years and not know it?

He firmly declares that I proposed to him? I don’t remember it that way. I remember bringing up the topic of marriage, but I didn’t get on my knees with the ring and say, “Will you marry me?”

Did I force him?

Did I?

So what does a girl do when she believes her marriage is failing and her resources have run out? How do I escape this Monday kind of love and get to the weekend where love flows free?

I decide to pray and read God’s Word, The Bible, for instructions.

Then I moved by faith. I couldn’t continue to walk around in a fog and let my marriage die. I was miserable. He was miserable. Things had to change. What I didn’t realize it that things needed to change on the inside of me.

I had a list of problems I felt my husband added to the relationship. Then, the more I prayed the more I read the Bible, I realized that I was the problem. I needed to improve who I was – I needed to love myself unconditionally before I could love him.

The problems I saw in him were actually the things I hated about myself. I called him selfish, yet I was the one that always wanted things my way. I called him faithless, but I was the one who didn’t believe what we had would survive. I called him non-sensitive but I was the one that didn’t value who he was, what he did or who God was making him to be.

I was stuck on Monday in our marriage.

Then it hit me. So he doesn’t bring home the flowers any more? Maybe I should go out and buy him a DVD of one of his favorite movies? There is something that I can do to make this relationship work. Whether I coerced myself into this marriage or not, I am here and I’m not leaving.

I was ready to work. I needed to see Tuesday in my marriage and get through the week. My husband became my priority and 24 hour commitment to love him better by faith. I couldn’t change the past but I promised myself that the future would not be the same.

We’re headed toward seven years of marriage this June. No longer do I settle for a Monday’s kind of love…we’re steadily headed toward Saturday!

“If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love,” 1 Corinthians 13:7 (The Message)

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