by Rachel Renee Griggs
http://www.RachelReneeGriggs.com
When I was a little girl, I remember my mother telling me how important it is to sit up straight and have proper posture. I think she threw in images of hunch-backed old ladies for emphasis, to make sure her warnings stuck. As I grew, I remember older women complimenting me on how graceful I was and how I sat up so nicely, never slouching. Lately, I have been reminding myself to sit up straight again after noticing how terrible my posture has become. I think leaning over my laptop for hours on end has caused me to become a bit slack, and I don’t want to lose any inches off my already short 5′2″ frame!
This recent check on my posture reminded me of a time in my life where I slouched for an entirely different reason. During my late teens until I was about 21 years old, I was involved with an obsessively jealous and abusive “man.” I use the word man loosely because there is nothing manly about hitting a woman. However, this person constantly accused me of looking at other men and trying to get their attention. After awhile, in my desire to avoid the arguments, accusations and sometimes violence, I started to walk around with my head down to the ground. If I’m looking at the ground, I cannot be accused of making eye contact with anybody right? I was already a quiet person, but I learned to become absolutely invisible as a result of being with this person.
The day came where I was strong enough to leave the abusive situation and never look back, however there was still a residue of the relationship on me. In new relationships I would bend over backwards to prove how trustworthy I was. I still tried my best not to draw any attention to myself while out in public. I walked with my head down at times, as if being attractive was something to be ashamed of.
At the same time, I was growing mentally and spiritually and returning to the image of who I was created to be. This began to radiate from the inside and contradict my outward behavior. I had to check myself: “Rachel, why are you hiding? Why are you afraid to show the world who you really are?” The truth was, I really liked myself, but the nasty words and put-downs from my prior relationship were still very much a part of me.
With this realization began my metamorphosis. I determined to be me, all day every day. If that meant laughing out loud because something was really funny, I did it. If it meant becoming active in different organizations that forced me into the spotlight at times, I did it. I learned how to walk tall and straight again and I feel like I am growing ever taller – inwardly, of course. Outwardly, I can only grow with the help of 3-4 inch heels. Thank God for stilettos!
There were some people who came across my path who much like the abuser did not appreciate me walking tall. They tried to put me “in my place” but they were a bit late. I had gotten in touch with who I really was and was enjoying it too much for someone to send me back into a box. Now, if someone tried to falsely accuse me of something or call me out of my name, I know they could not possibly be talking to me.
I wish I could remember where I heard this because it always stuck with me. The person said, “If someone called you a chair, would you respond?” Of course, the answer is ‘no’. So likewise, if someone called you anything other than what you are, why should it register as truth? Why allow someone to speak lies and negativity in your life? Why allow your behavior to reflect someone else’s insecurity? Be yourself, the unique, beautiful creature that God made you to be. Your real friends, the people who truly love you, will celebrate with you. The others will fall to the side.
How is your posture today?
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like,” James 1:22-24 (NIV)
August 10th, 2009 at 8:39 am
What is it that causes the opinion of others that causes us to diminish our own self worth? I have a friend from High school who married a guy, that verbally beat her down to nothing. When I ran into her years later after school and she was going through her divorce, I couls hardly belive what I saw in her, it amazed me..
August 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I think this is beautifully put. I am inspired.
December 7th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Ditto. I am inspired also! Wow. It takes courage to say what you’ve said here. God Bless!